Are you 'glossing?' Pretending to be good at work isn't doing any good

Countless workers laugh their way through stress through a phenomenon called “glossing,” and it's time to put an end to it.

“Glossing” refers to overoptimism to dismiss workplace difficulties with real emotional struggles and negative emotions, says Dr. Trina Claix, Ph.D., Raleigh, NC, and CEO of Give An Hour, a mental health nonprofit that provides free mental health volunteers. Nationwide service through a network of professionals.

“Using this coping mechanism can lead to mistrust, isolation, stress and even resentment,” Claix said, pointing to a 2024 Monster survey that found 67% of workers felt they worked in a toxic environment and 78% Workers don't feel their employers are doing enough for their mental well-being at work.

Most people know if they're glossing over, says Karen Leal, a performance specialist at Insperity, a national HR provider in Houston.

“They may say they're fine or not talking, but they have an internal monologue that doesn't quite sit right,” she explained, noting that glossers also know what they want to see change but aren't expressing their thoughts and feelings. idea

Avoiding these conversations can become a bad habit.

“The longer avoidance continues, the less likely it is to deal with problems effectively,” he said. “Problems either go unresolved or are resolved when they can no longer be swept under the rug.”

Aside from the dreaded “I'm fine,” some conversational signs from coworkers ignore dismissive comments and feedback. Even these overly cheerful emails can be an avoidance strategy, says Claix, who says, “Just stay positive!” suggested paying attention to phrases like or “It could be worse!”

“It's very common in toxic environments where glossing is a consistent practice,” he said.
Here's how to overcome this common workplace MO.

Tone down positive language

Clayeux emphasized checking in with himself and gauging the emotional tone of the conversation. Then use language that acknowledges your feelings instead of using overly positive statements.

Geraud Staton, a Durham, NC, CEO who works in consulting and public affairs and also works as a peer support facilitator at Give An Hour, recalls a notable example.

Staton and a colleague were working on a large project, reporting to the same supervisor. “I noticed that my colleague often used glossing to reduce the amount of time and effort required to complete the project,” he shares. “They often told partners and stakeholders how seamless and fast the process would be, which I knew wasn't right.”

Staton was concerned about speaking out because no one ever wants to be the “bad guy.” Finally, he settled on using the data to demonstrate an honest estimate of how long it would take to complete the project.

“The thing about glossing is that people often use it to protect themselves, especially in environments with manipulative leadership or supervisors. It can feel easy to gloss over challenges to avoid being seen in a negative light,” Staton reflects. “Glossing gets us nowhere, and the beginning The best way is to be honest and move forward.”

Speak one by one

Make the most of this precious time with your boss.

“These in-person meetings are meant for you to open up and express any issues you may have and to point out areas where you need additional help,” says Leal, who emphasizes the importance of difficult conversations.

“Learning to navigate conversations about the challenges you're facing creates experience that, hopefully, eases conversations over time and supports the realization that glossing isn't helpful, nor is it a solution,” says Leal. “You can discuss your career path and express your interest in professional development so you can grow within the company.”

Don't dismiss feedback

The truth can hurt. “Be open to feedback that suggests you tend to gloss over problems rather than solve them,” Claix said.

Acknowledge and explore the other person's perspective. Take Clayeux's following example for a framework for responding to criticism: “Thank you for expressing concern. I realize that I may seem dismissive by focusing only on opportunities. Can you share more about the challenges you are facing so we can tackle them together?”

People are delightful nix

“Many people-pleasers tend to practice glossing over, and leadership doesn't know about a problem until their hard-working employee resigns,” warns Leal. “Generally putting on a brave face, not solving problems and keeping quiet about what you need as an employee can also be detrimental to your career. If you don't speak up about any issues, including not supporting your ambitions for advancement, your career can stagnate.”

Glossing over and toxic positivity can erode trust over time and reduce morale by cutting off open communication. Mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga or talking to a licensed therapist can help you learn more about your inner tendency to always please other people and re-engage your tendency to bend over backwards for others — in your professional and in your personal life.

Detect when someone is glossing over

While the onus is on an employee to speak up, it's important for managers to develop individualized relationships with their teams so they're aware of when something might be off.

“Encouraging conversations to help drive personal and team connections is especially important today as we operate in remote and hybrid settings,” says Leal.

Leal shares the story of a client where an employee had a significant role change and when asked how everything was going, the employee consistently said everything was fine.

“In reality, the employee was overwhelmed but didn't want to appear like they didn't know what they were doing,” says Leal. “Instead of asking for help, or taking offered help, the employee decided to figure things out on their own.”

Eventually, it got to the point where the employee was visibly struggling and the manager stepped in. This suffering in silence due to glossing “happens much more frequently than we would expect,” Leal said.
Don't be part of that group. Why not put on a brave face?