'Golden Bachelorette' Welcomes Joan Suiters to Premiere: Who Stays?

A hopeful dawn has arrived for the “Golden” franchise, which is now part of the Bachelor Nation Circle of Life.

First there was the senior version of Gerry Turner, “The Golden Bachelor,” which glowed with true-love optimism last year, before his TV marriage to Theresa Niste collapsed in divorce after 100 days. Now, Joan Vassos, 61, the beautiful grandmother of three, has moved on to the equally historic “The Golden Bachelorette” with 24 suitors and new promises of TV true love.

The opening shot of Wednesday's ABC premiere shows Joan bathed in golden light in a sparkling champagne gown. He's great at a fresh start. Joan doesn't want to talk about the “redemption” season, or the travel stress of last season. The widow, who lost her husband of 32 years to cancer in 2021, just wants love again.

“Let the ride begin,” Joan says in her SUV on her way to the bachelor mansion's opening night greet-a-thon. “Bring on the men!”

Here's who really stepped out of the limousine at the Bachelor mansion:

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“Golden Bachelorette” spoilers ahead! So stop reading now if you haven't seen Joan's latest journey, now streaming on Hulu.

Joan first meets an officer and a gentleman

The first two people out of the limos are, in that order, Pascal, 69, a sophisticated salon owner from Paris born in Chicago, and Kim, 69, a fully uniformed retired Navy captain from Seattle. Power opening.

Pascal is so smooth that there are even half-joking suggestions among the other Golden Bachelors that he's faking his French accent to disguise a typical Chicago accent. (It would be scandalous and fantastic if there was actually a “golden” fake French accent fraud). Of course, Pascal deflects this absurdity with a perfect smile before jumping in for the first one-on-one with Joan, “Let me take you.”

The rest of the boys bowed to this audacity. Moments later, champagne-toting Pascal waxes about taking Joan to France. Très bien. Of course, Pascal gets a rose and so does Kim.

Jake from True Southside Chicago is doing it his way

Jack, 68, a caterer from Chicago, is proving himself to be the world's most attractive man this season, beard and all. Wearing a dark pink jacket, he croons “My Way” after meeting Joan. Every line Jack became an instant classic with his South Chicago accent, entering the room and beginning with his declaration, “Did somebody say bourbon?” Still, no one accuses him of being a Frenchie with a South Chicago accent.

Jack makes a serious surprise for Joan and the rest of the crew while eating a beef tenderloin gourmet meal. Joan gives Jack the last rose of the night in a contrived suspenseful move. Even the boys want Jack around.

Gary might be the best for 'The Golden Bachelorette'

Showing no nerves at all, Gary, 65, walks up to Joan and starts twirling her into a happy dance move, telling her, “I'm the guy, Joan.” Whether “that guy” means the instant TV star or Joan's partner or both is yet to be determined But it's an electric start before Gary shows real emotion, crying as his family's video greeting plays for the group. Gary gets his rose before he mentions the legendary Tina Turner's god. He can only be the best.

Mark Anderson doesn't need so much 'Golden Bachelor' help

Dear “Golden Bachelorette” Producer: Marc Anderson You don't need help. The “Hot Dad” Internet star gets the privilege of a coveted last limo arrival for Joan, a scene that has already gone viral on social media. And Mark's famous daughter, “Bachelor” star Kelsey Anderson jumped in to introduce Joan in person.

Mark, 57, will be the front-runner without the support of the Bachelor Nation Deep State. He's sincere, he's studious, he's a star, he's completely amused by the term “thirst trap” thrown at him.

“He's cute,” Joan whispers to the ever-hidden Kelsey after the gal-dad leaves. “Just call me mom.” Hurry up, Joan! Everyone stop looking at the “hot dad” and look around. We have weeks to go.

Mark receives a rose and admits to the camera that being with Joan is “like putting a pair of hot sweats out to dry”. Hmm, let's do the workshop, Mark.

Jonathan and Dan are both fascinating mysteries

Jonathan, 64, from Oakland, Iowa, meets Joan wearing a gold sleep mask. Great touch, especially with his male model appearance. Later, Jonathan recites a memorized poem to Joan. Killer stuff. He received an early Joan rose.

With his shaggy, fixed-blonde hair and quirky Columbo-esque demeanor, private investigator Dan, 64, is a paper cup of coffee away from his own CBS primetime series. He looks fun and earnest even in his near-disastrous foul play, smoking a pickleball shot past Joan's mouth. he duck Dan still gets his rose.

'Girl dad' Keith packs up and takes Joan to his station wagon

The self-titled “girl dad” of three, Keith, 62, made an instant mark by pulling a “sweet ride” – a worn-out station wagon, with suitcases stuck at the stop. Then the 6-foot-5 Teddy Bear scores again, playing cornhole with Joanne, a game she loves. “I see him with my friends, hanging out,” she says.

Joan gives Keith the precious first impression rose and the first (holy) kiss on the lips. “I was stunned,” he said later.

Rose did not get six men! Who left the 'Golden Bachelorette'?

Joan did not like to give roses. He even gave up after like 10 and suddenly left the room. Host Jesse Palmer was probably scrolling through TikTok in the control room and was like, “What? GB is moving.” He appears and gently reassures Joan home. No tears, but he bids farewell steadily:

• Bill, 68, is a retired videographer from Portland, Oregon.
• Pablo, 63, is a retired United Nations agency director from Cambridge, Maryland.
• Ken, 60, is a property management treasurer in Peabody, Massachusetts.
• RJ, 66, is a financial advisor in Irvine, Calif.
• David, 68, is a rancher from Austin, Texas.
• Thomas, 62, is a New York City fire department chief.

How did 'Golden Bachelor' Gary Turner end up in previews?

Whoops, the preview for the upcoming season shows a lot. A “Full Monty” strip show, a private jet, lots of kisses. Um, Joan saying, “I love you, Mark” and kissing “Hot Dad.” But the clincher is “Golden Bachelor” Gerry Turner emerging from a limo, rested and ready to offer some kind of love advice.

“Have you considered the possibility that your man isn't here?” Turner asks Joan in the preview. It's going to be a wild ride.